listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
