party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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