Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
