how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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