I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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