I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
