it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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