Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
