Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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