i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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