I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize