Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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