update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
