If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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