By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
