I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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