Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
