went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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