she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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