all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
