Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
