This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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