i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
false alarm. still invincible.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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