it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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