Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where is the hickey?
I CAN MOONWALK!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
