the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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