I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
