Plan B is the new Plan A
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
