he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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