how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Randomize
