Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
