Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
