He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
