She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
