If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
