Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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