Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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