she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
