so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
