Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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