dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
