I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
