You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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