Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
