I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
