Pappa wants mamma naked
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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