i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
