Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
