ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
