Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fuck appropriateness.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
