oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
