We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
