I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
