I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
