Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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