i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
