forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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