My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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