a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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