Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
