Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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