you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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