My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
