I wish I could punch you in the face.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
