She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
