When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
