Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
