Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
