there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
