do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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